The Ultimate Wedding Planning Guide For Your big Day
Welcome to my ultimate guide for planning your wedding. I’m not a professional wedding planner, nor have I every played one on TV, but as a professional wedding photographer I have a lot of wedding experience! I have seen what makes for the best and most stress-free weddings first-hand. This guide is designed to share these “insider” tips and help you plan the wedding of your dreams.
We are going to discuss:
6 Critical Steps To Planning Any Wedding
Timelines and Considerations For Wedding Planning Details
Other Considerations & Resources
6 Critical Steps To Planning Any Wedding
1) Organization
Good organization is essential in planning any event - especially a large scale event like a wedding. Weddings have a lot of “moving parts” and a lack of organization is certain to lead to mistakes and possible financial disaster. There are many ways to keep organized. You can purchase a wedding planning kit online or you can simply create your own. Either way is fine, but avoid skipping or dismissing the importance of organization.
2) Budget
When it comes to creating a budget for your wedding, there are two scary facts:
60% of couples underestimate their wedding expenses
On average, couples underestimate their wedding expenses by 45%
A great way to understand wedding costs is to determine what other couples in your area spent. Here is a link to a Wedding Cost Estimator. It will ask you some basic questions about your wedding and then it will provide you with a detailed breakdown of costs. Many couples form a budget based on what they think something should cost or what a friend paid two years ago. Don’t fall into this trap. Don’t assume or guess, know what couples in your area are really paying for a wedding.
Another vital step to creating a budget is knowing your money sources. Ask yourself the following questions:
How much money do we currently have available to use towards wedding expenses?
How much money can we save from now until the wedding to pay for wedding expenses?
How much money will both sets of parents be contributing towards wedding expenses?
Should you consider a small loan to help pay for your wedding expenses?
Traditionally, the groom’s family paid for the rehearsal dinner and honeymoon, while the bride’s family paid for the wedding. However, due to the growing expense of having a wedding, it’s much more common for everyone to share the costs. If you do need to consider a small loan be sure to shop around. Check with your local banks and credit unions for the best rates, and terms. Try your best to limit the amount of any loan to avoid taking on debt.
3) Prioritize Wedding Details
Prior to planning anything, be sure to sit down with your partner and prioritize your wedding details. What does that mean exactly? Make a list of everything you need plan. For example, wedding venue, photographer, DJ, videographer, officiant, florist, etc. Discuss what details matter most to you and which ones don’t. This is a great way to avoid over spending on details with little to no importance. It also helps to free up some funds for the details with greater significance.
4) Pick A Time Of Year
Decide on a time of year or a season that you would like to get married. When you get married can have a significant impact on your wedding planning and costs. If you’re looking to get married in late June, wedding costs are going to be higher and booking quality professionals is going to be more difficult. However, if you’re looking to get married in January, wedding costs are generally lower and planning is far less stressful. Of course, if you’re having a winter wedding, weather can be an issue.
5) The Guest List
The guest list is usually one of the more stressful parts of planning a wedding. A good portion of couples look back and wish they had invited less people. Not only would it have saved them a lot of money, but they would have had more time to enjoy their party. Who to invite, who not to invite, should you allow children, should you invite co-workers, are your parents pressuring you on the guest list, etc. Creating a guest list is a lot like writing a paper. You’re going to have a rough draft followed by several edits, and eventually you will create the final list. Let’s take a look at some tips for creating the perfect guest list.
Make two lists - “Must Invite” and “Possible Invite
Generally, the must invite list will consist of parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, close friends, etc. The possible invite list includes distant family, friends, children, co-workers, etc. Now that we’ve given our guest list some structure, let’s take a closer look at how to handle those specific - and sometimes more delicate - situations.
Parents
Parents often have their own agenda when it comes to the guest list. And they can place a lot of pressure on you to invite people you would never invite. How do you handle situations like this, especially if they are paying for all or part of the wedding?
If your parents are paying for the entire wedding, you will likely need to be flexible with the guest list. However, if they are contributing towards the wedding costs, you will have a lot more say. One technique that has worked well for many couples is time. In other words, if you haven’t seen someone in the past 6 months or haven’t spoken to them in the past year, they don’t get invited. This sets an easy and clear boundary.
Children
A lot of couples implement a “no children” policy and it causes them a lot of stress. Whether you allow children or not, someone is likely to disagree with your decision. Some guests want a “child free” night out and others can’t believe you excluded their little angels.
Most couples have a no children policy because weddings are an adult event. They don’t want to deal with crying, tantrums or misbehaving children. Unfortunately, you can’t make everyone happy so you have to decide what’s best for your wedding. However, if you do have a no children policy, experts recommend you don’t put “No Children” on the invitation. Instead, make a note on the RSVP card that says “Adult Wedding - How Many Adults Will Be Attending?”
What if you’re going to have a minimum age requirement? Let’s say 18 years or older for example. On the RSVP card you can write “Adult Wedding - How Many People 18 Years Or Older Will Be Attending?”
The Plus One
It’s not uncommon for single people to be invited to weddings; therefore, should you allow them to bring a date? There are many great ways of addressing this concern. Some couples use an age restriction. Anyone 21 years or older can bring a date; however, your 16 year old niece won’t be able to bring her high school sweetheart. Other couples restrict the plus one to relationship status. If you’re unmarried, but living with someone, you can bring them. There are lots of different ways to handle the plus one, but again, it all depends on what’s best for your wedding.
Co-Workers
This can be another difficult choice for couples. If you invite one co-worker, do you need to invite them all? Do you also need to invite your boss? If you work in small office and you’re socially active outside of work, it’s probably a good idea to invite the group. However, if you work in large office, it’s okay to just invite those you spend time with outside the office.
What about your boss? This really comes down to the rapport you have with them. If you spend time with them socially, it’s probably a good idea to invite them. If your relationship with them is strictly business, it’s perfectly fine to leave them off the list.
Bear in mind, on average, for every wedding guest to attend your wedding, it’s going to cost you $200-$250 per person. Placing some restrictions on the guest list is a great way to manage the guest count and keep your wedding costs from getting out of control. If you can reduce your guest list by just 5 people, you will save $1,000 - $1,250 at a minimum! This doesn’t include the money you will save on stationary (invites, reply cards, thank you cards, postage, etc.), favors, centerpieces, linens, etc.
6) Wedding Guests
Many couples go deep into debt trying to plan the perfect wedding for their guests. Whether it’s to impress them or create an amazing experience, it can be a slippery slope. Let’s eliminate those stresses and take an honest look at what truly matters to them.
Ceremony
Reception Seating
Food
Open Bar & Top Shelf Liquor
This might come as a surprise, but your guests don’t care about the favors, the color of your table linens, flowers, centerpieces, etc. You might spend a ton of time, energy and money perfecting every detail for your guests, but chances are they won’t notice. They do; however, care about the ceremony. Your wedding guests appreciate a nice ceremony with one exception. Don’t make it too long. They will love a 20-30 minute ceremony, but if it goes much longer than that, they become unhappy.
Reception seating is another important detail for your guests. They want easy directions for finding their table so make sure the seating cards are easy to find, and easy to read. More importantly, they stress over who they will be sitting with. This will be limited to some degree by your total number of guests and table requirements of the venue. You can only do your best, but remember, it’s impossible to make everyone happy.
Good food, open bar and top shelf liquor top the list of important details for most wedding guests. If they can enjoy a great meal and drinks, you will essentially ensure their happiness.
Timelines And Considerations For Wedding Planning Details
We are now going to take a look at some timelines and considerations when it comes to wedding planning details. This is not an all encompassing list as there are tons of online resources for that. However, this is designed to give you timelines for the majority of your details and I’m going to provide some considerations you won’t find anywhere else.
12 Months
Get Organized (Wedding Planning Kit or Create Your Own)
Develop Your Wedding Budget
Prioritize Your Wedding Details
Create Your Guest List
Choose A Venue - when choosing a venue, you want to consider the overall layout for tables, dancing, etc. You also want to listen to your gut and “how it feels” to be in this venue. Does it compliment your wedding vision or does something about it make you feel uncomfortable? Other considerations include parking, handicap access, photographic opportunities, etc. If you’re having an “in-season” wedding, check with the venue to see what is required to book them. It’s very common for venues to require a minimum number of guests or a minimum financial requirement.
Wedding Cake - Most venues include a wedding cake as part of their “package;” however, if they don’t or if you want to consider other options, now is the time to start researching bakeries for your dream wedding cake.
Book Your Photographer - remember, when it comes to hiring a photographer, the single most important consideration is their personality. Not only must they have a great personality, but it must mesh really well with yours. The connection you have with your photographer is imperative.
Book Your DJ - hiring a DJ might seem like an easy thing to do, but it’s more complicated than you might imagine. You’re not just hiring someone to play music and say your name as you’re introduced as a married couple for the first time. You’re giving someone a live mic and you want to ensure this person can be trusted with it. This isn’t their time to share their political views or make inappropriate remarks. A good DJ is also going to ensure everyone has an amazing time at your party. Great DJ’s have an amazing ability to “read the crowd.” They understand when they should or shouldn’t play a particular song. They understand how to keep people on the dance floor and get everyone involved.
Book Your Videographer - a lot of couples opt not to hire a videographer because they feel it’s too similar to photography. However, I can assure you that not hiring a videographer is one the biggest regrets couples have. Video is another great way to capture and document your wedding day, and it compliments your photos perfectly to ensure a complete story.
Book Your Officiant - who you hire to marry you is another key decision. Some officiants are very strict and they perform a ceremony that fits their beliefs. Others work from their normal ceremony, but they offer some flexibility and are open to your ideas as well. It’s important to hire an officiant that has at least some flexibility and isn’t going to deliver a ceremony that doesn’t reflect or represent you as a couple.
Choose A Florist - It’s time to pick out your blooms for yourself, your partner and rest of the bridal party. It’s also time to choose flowers for your ceremony and reception. When it comes to flowers, be sure to do a little research first. It’s fun and exciting to pick out the exotic blooms, but many of them don’t last very long - especially in summer weddings. You want your flowers to look amazing in your photos and not wilted. Choosing less exotic type flowers will also save you a ton of money. And don’t forget, many of the flowers you get for the ceremony and can be repurposed and used at the reception. This is another great way to save a little money on the budget.
Choose A Caterer - Most wedding venues provide food service; however, if you choose a location that requires a caterer, now is the time to schedule them!
Choose Your Wedding Party - another wedding planning detail that might appear easy at face value, but before you ask anyone to be part of your wedding, step back for a moment and think it through. A big trend in weddings over the past couple of years is for smaller wedding parties or no wedding party at all. It saves money and it reduces drama. Couples often ask people to be part of their wedding party out of feelings of obligation. This frequently leads to tension, anger and regret. Surround yourself with people who are genuinely happy for you and have your best interests at heart. If you ask someone to be part of your wedding party that’s jealous because you’re getting married first or you’re having a nicer wedding, it almost always leads to issues down the road.
Wedding Insurance - One of the best things you can do for your wedding is to purchase wedding insurance. I know it’s an added expense, but if something goes wrong, you’re protected. A little over two years ago, I read a story about a bride whose wedding venue went out of business two months before her wedding. Her father had purchased wedding insurance and they were able to book a new venue a month before the wedding without losing a single penny. The bride said if it wasn’t for the insurance, they wouldn’t have been able to afford a new venue, and their wedding would have been destroyed. The value of insurance can be tough to understand because we don’t often need it. But when the unthinkable happens, it’s the best money you ever spent.
Honeymoon - It doesn’t get much more fun than this! Choose and schedule your honeymoon destination!
Save-The-Dates - This is always fun! Send out your the save-the-dates for the big day!
9 Months
Stationary - It’s now time to pick out and design your invitations, reply cards, thank you cards, etc. Most couples spend a lot of time and money picking out the perfect invitation, but let’s not forget our discussion from earlier - what do wedding guests truly care about? If money isn’t a concern for you, by all means pick out the most expensive option possible. But if you’re working within a budget, then keep your options open and keep this in mind - Most wedding details provide much lesser expensive options without a big sacrifice to quality or appearance. In other words, you don’t need to break the bank to create an invitation that’s beautiful and elegant.
Gift Registry - It’s now time to register for your wedding gifts. That’s always a good time!
Arrange Hotel Rooms For Guests - You will want to have an approximate number of guests that will need rooms so the hotel can set aside a block of rooms for you. If you create a “wedding website,” it’s a good idea to include all the pertinent information so your guests can reserve a room.
Wedding Dress - It’s now time to pick out your wedding dress. The best advice for doing this is to be patient and limit the number of people you take dress shopping. I’m sure you have heard the saying - “less is more.” This is true when it comes to finding your perfect wedding dress. You should limit the total number of people with you to 2-3; otherwise, you’re going to have too many opinions to deal with and sort through. This will lead to “paralysis by analysis.” When we have too many options or too many opinions, it’s easy to become frozen because of information overload. Keep it simple and have fun!
Transportation - I see less and less weddings where transportation is needed because most couples are now having their ceremony and receptions at the same location. However, if you’re looking for a limo or other form of transportation, now is the time to get it booked!
6 Months
Rehearsal Dinner - It’s now time to choose the location and put the plans in place for your rehearsal dinner.
Favors
Hair & Makeup - Choose the person or persons who will be responsible for your hair and makeup on the big day and look to schedule a time to do a trial run. If your wedding photography package includes an engagement session, you may want to choose your hair person earlier or schedule your engagement session after hiring them. Having your hair and makeup professionally done for the engagement photos is always a good idea.
Rings - This is always a fun time - ring shopping!
Passports - Make sure your license and/or passport is up-to-date, and ready for the honeymoon travel!
Marriage License - Contact your local town hall to get your official marriage license!
3 Months
Attire - It’s time for the groom and the groomsmen to pick out their wedding day attire!
Invitations - 8-12 weeks before the wedding is time for the wedding invitations to be mailed. It’s getting closer now!
Follow Up - Now is a good time to touch base (if they haven’t already) with your venue, photographer, DJ, videographer, officiant, florist, caterer, transportation company, etc. to confirm when any last payments are due and how much you owe them. Generally, a couple of weeks before the wedding, you will have final consultations with your vendors to ensure everything is in place. Ask your wedding professionals about this so you know what to expect.
1 Month
Create A List - create a list of items you will need to take with you on the wedding day - clothes, honeymoon related items, aspirin, band-aides, extra hairpins, tweezers, nail clippers, etc. It’s good to have many of these items on the wedding day in case you need them
Photographer Final Consultation - 1-2 weeks before the wedding is a good time for the final consultation with your photographer. At this time, you will sit down to create a wedding timeline. It’s a blueprint or guideline for your entire wedding day. It will essentially spell out when everything will be taking place, including your photos. This will ensure you get those amazing wedding day memories while also being able to spend time with your guests.
Other Wedding Planning Considerations
First Look - approximately 85%-90% of the couples I work with have a first look. Traditionally, a couple getting married sees each other for the first time at the ceremony. But with a first look, you and your partner arrange to see each other for the first time on the wedding day prior to the ceremony. Aside from the first look being more private and intimate, many couples choose this option because it allows them more time to spend at their party with guests. Typically, we have the first look and follow this with the family and wedding party pictures. Following the ceremony, that leaves the creative portrait session of you and your spouse. This allows your photographer to get you back to your reception much sooner!
Unplugged Wedding - another popular decision couples make is to have an “unplugged wedding.” This is really aimed at your wedding ceremony and it prevents your guests from taking pictures or video during it. In most cases, photographing a wedding ceremony is difficult because photographers have a limited number of locations from which they can capture images. With most of your guests having some sort of cell phone with a camera, they often ruin photos with unexpected flashes from these devices. Additionally, when everyone is trying to take pictures, there is always tons of arms and hands raised in the air or people are standing in the aisle blocking your photographer. This can ruin your photos or at the very least seriously degrade their quality.
Engagement Session - one of the best things you can do for your wedding is to have an engagement session. If you’re like most couples, you don’t feel overly confident being in front of the camera. An engagement session is a very relaxed atmosphere and it serves as the perfect dress rehearsal for your big day. More importantly, it allows you to learn more about your photographer and your photographer learns more about you. This is essential in building that trusting relationship.
Wedding Stress - earlier in this guide, we spoke a little about the stresses that come from planning and having a wedding. If you find yourself beginning to feel anxious or stressed-out, it’s time to step back and center yourself. There’s no doubt that feeling overwhelmed by your stress will make you less effective with your planning and it’s not good for your health.
Have Fun!
You will likely spend 12-15 months - and in some cases even more - planning your wedding. It can be stressful. It can be overwhelming. But it can also be a lot of fun. Enjoy the process and enjoy the experience. Planning your wedding is also going to create lifelong memories for you. Take pictures along the way and write down your experiences as you go. These are all part of life’s little moments.
